Come on, you know some dipshit made an office bet to see how far that mislabel could get before 'the suits' noticed and shut it down. The coffee fetchers and stapler hoarders gathered around a demoralizing cubicle and had a good, hearty laugh at the subtle fat joke that would go no further than the little Burmese girl sewing the labels on for $0.20 per hour.
Some gay man in a sweater set who tells his harem of fat girlfriends how beautiful they are on a daily basis won the office pool when he said the joke would go viral. He's sipping non-fat caramel macchiatos from his very own stainless steel reusable coffee cup. No more free tea from a paper cup that leaves cardstock residue in his mouth after every dainty sip. Manatee Grey made him an office millionaire on a fat joke whim.
I digress...this was supposed to be a post about how funny this little joke was. I want to know why they stopped at Manatee Grey. And why didn't they dig into the genre of women who have body image issues because they're too thin? I've been giving Target's color choices further thought and came up with the following:
Didn't Anyone Tell You Not To Wear White White: for all the chunky chicks who waddle around with their 'look at me, I'm a nebulous cloud!' overstuffed white jeggings on.
Alternate color for the skinny set: Dandelion Whisper White: for the little fluffs that will blow all the way to Tibet in a strong wind.
Oprah's Bag-o-Fat Yellow: for the canary inspired poncho worn by well endowed women everywhere; comes with small red wagon emblem on the right breast pocket sewn 15 inches below the shoulder seam
And for the food-conscious ladies: Cigarette Finger Stain Yellow: for the sheath dress that skims playfully over your nicotine-induced visible rib cage
Purple People Eater Lavender: watch out, it's 3pm and that fatty in the purple maxi dress is two Slim Fast shakes away from cannibalism!
For the fashion conscious anorexic size 0: Bitten Finger Purple: the same shade as those teeth marks you leave on your knuckles each time you puke up your onion and mustard sandwiches.
Blood Clot Red: Just to remind the overeaters of the cholesterol-clots they will inevitably throw once their circulation is cut off by wearing those colored skinny jeans
For the Kate Moss crowd: Bloody Nose Red: For when that last snort in the ladies room results in a nasal septum ulcer.
I really think that the creative minds at Target are onto something here. After all, even bad press is good press, right? Except if you're being pressed between two hoagie stuffing hoglets on the subway, then it's just bad press. Even then, however, you're wondering if that blue hue to your skin could be used to describe your hipster scarf. Corpse Azure Cashmere.
